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metalcxre:

when my friend had her first kiss, she told everyone her mouth got laid

she didn’t realize that everyone thought she’d given a blowjob on the first date

(Source: destructer, via i-want-you-so-bad-x)

notlostonanadventure:

bewbin:

if u were dating a FBI agent and you dumped him.

he would be ur fed ex 

I hope the NSA people scanning my blog got a chuckle out of that

(via i-want-you-so-bad-x)

rabioheab:

calling people on the phone is more stressful than open heart surgery 

(via i-want-you-so-bad-x)

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White people: You have to wait for the facts before you talk about Ferguson!
Eyewitnesses: He was on his knees with his hands up.
Medical examiner: There was no gunpowder residue on Mike Brown, no sign of struggle, and there were entry wounds on the inside of his arms and the top of his head, implying he was on his knees with his hands up.
Convenience store owner and clerk: There was no robbery and we didn't call the cops.
Ferguson PD: Okay, we admit it, Wilson didn't know anything happened at the convenience store and we determined no crime was committed.
...
...
...
White people: Nobody can say what happened! We still have to wait for the facts to come in!
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